


Breaking Point

by Faith280



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Mentions of suicide and pill addictions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-18 14:04:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17582303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Faith280/pseuds/Faith280
Summary: So many things have happened in Grif’s life. Some of them good, some of them bad, but he’s always managed through. Now he feels he’s losing control of his life. He starts wondering if life would be better without him. After all Simmons was always the strong one, he really didn’t need Grif... did he?





	1. 1

 

“Damnit Donut, What is all this crap?” Grif’s head was hurting him again and he was in no mood for Donut.

  
“These are the plans for little Dexter’s first birthday party.”

  
“That’s still two months away, why do you need it now?”

  
“It takes time to plan the perfect party. You only turn one once.”

  
“Unless you kill you and you reincarnate, then you can have two.”

  
“Be serious, Simmons is on board with this, I wish you were too. Dex is a very special baby.”

  
“Yeah, I kinda of realized that when he was born.”

  
“No, he was the first child to be born to male parents. Look how many families that experiment helped out. A lot of people want to pay respects to him.”

  
“That’s all we need, a lot of strangers hanging around making everything all awkward. This should be a small party with close friends. It’s all wrong.”

  
“Where’s the fun in that.”

  
“I swear Donut if you don’t stop it…”

  
“What are you two fighting about now?”

  
This wasn’t the first fight Simmons had to break up between Grif and Donut lately.

Ever since Grif’s near fatal accident, he hadn’t recovered as well as was hoped. He still had major issues with headaches thanks to a bad concussion.

  
“Why didn’t you tell me you gave Donut control over Dex’s birthday party?”

  
“What? We talked about it, but I never said for sure what we were doing.” He glared at Donut.

  
Donut gave a hurt look as he gathered together all his papers. “Fine, don’t expect me to help.”

  
“Good, we don’t want it. Dex doesn’t like strangers any more than I do. He’ll be miserable at his own party.”

  
Donut still looked doubtful.

  
“Grif’s right, Dex is great with people he knows, but if you have too many strangers around, he’ll be hiding behind Grif the entire time.”

  
Grif stuck his tongue out at Donut. “See, told ya.”

  
Simmons sighed, what was the use? He thrust the baby over to Grif. “It’s past his nap time, how about if you put to bed for me while we plan a better birthday schedule.”

  
“Yeah.” He grumbled as he took the baby.

  
Simmons didn’t like the look on his face. It looked so drawn and tired. With the way he was squinting like the light hurt his eyes, Simmons knew it was one of his bad headaches.

  
“Are you feeling okay?” He asked softly.

  
Grif shrugged. “Not really, but I’m used to it.”

  
“How about if you lay down for a while, see if it helps. But don’t take any more pain medication unless you really need it, okay?” He gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

  
Grif didn’t return it, he just turned and started to the bedroom. He felt guilty, but didn’t feel well enough to care.

  
Lately, Dex’s favorite game was imitating Grif. He perfectly mimicked the frown on Grif’s face.

In spite of his bad mood, he gave a little grin. The baby imitated him. Grif made a game out of it the whole way to the nursery.

  
He felt so much better by the time they got there, he kind of hated putting the baby down. He tucked him with his favorite blanket and his stuffed bear and wished he could stay a little baby forever.

  
“I can’t believe you’re almost a year old. Stay little, I’ll miss my baby. Sometimes I feel like you’re the only who really loves me. Night kiddo.”

  
Being Grif’s son, he had no problems falling asleep. Grif left the door open so he could keep an eye on him.

  
He went into the small bedroom he shared with his husband. You could tell which side was Grif’s. His dresser was overflowing and could hardly walk through without tripping over something on the floor. He liked it, it looked lived in.

  
Simmons’ side was spotless as always. They were perfect opposites. It amazed Grif that they’ve managed to be together this long.

  
He stretched out on his side of the bed, but he didn’t feel like sleeping. Having fun and getting to ‘geek’ out with the baby did him more good than any bottle of pills he could take.

  
Sitting on the nightstand was the dreaded collection of pills he was supposed to take. He looked at the antidepressants with hatred. He had been on those for as long as he could remember. They were now apart of his life.

  
He hated taking them and pain pills. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t have a normal life. Why couldn’t he just be happy?

 


	2. Chapter 2

  
Grif laid staring up at the ceiling, not really thinking about anything. When the bedroom door opened, he was startled back to reality.

  
“Grif, I’m surprised, I thought you’d be asleep already.”

  
“Nah, didn’t really feel like it.” He chuckled at the surprised look on Simmons’ face. “It’s not often, but it can happen.”

  
“You look a lot better than you did earlier.”

  
“Turns out our kid is a pretty good shrink, a little quality time did the trick. That and getting rid of Donut.”

  
“If you want, we can plan a smaller party. It’s not that big a deal.”

  
“What really pissed me off is you didn’t tell me anything about it. Why did I have to find out from Donut? I would like to be included.”

  
“I thought you wouldn’t be interested. You always avoid parties, all you want is the free food.”

  
“Well this is for my son, this is the one time I care.”

  
The anxiety headache was coming back. It was like he was allergic to Simmons. It was pretty accurate.

  
“All right, I’m sorry. He sat down beside him on the bed . “Did you take your medicine today?”

  
Grif groaned. “Everyday you remind me to take it, and everyday I remember it without you asking it.”

  
“Okay good. You want to know the real reason I didn’t ask your opinion on the birthday?”

  
“Yeah, cause this lying to me thing you got going on sucks.”

  
“I never know what is going to upset you. You snap at me over every little thing. We’ll have to ask the doctor to switch up your antidepressants. Something’s out of whack.”

  
He made a face. “I know what would really help me. Thanks to my concussion, I’m still going to be on light work duty for a little while. Let me take over more with the babysitting while you’re working.”

  
He hoped this time Simmons would say yes. Grif loved their father/son playtimes they had. Now that Dex was older and learning to walk, he was more fun to play with. The look on Simmons’ face obviously said no. Grif’s heart sank.

  
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, at least not right now.”

  
Grif already stopped listening, he didn’t want to hear the rest. His depression sank in a little deeper.

  
“No, now hear me out. Have Dr. Grey check out your medications. You’ve been on pain pills since the accident, it probably threw something off balance. Get that fixed up and try to get rid of the headaches. With Dex walking now and getting into everything, you’d never keep up with him.”

  
What if the headaches never go away, what if I’m never better?

“After all the years I spent trying to get out of doing work, now I legitimately can’t do much and it bothers me. The irony of it all.”

  
“Be careful what you wish for…”

  
“Tell me about it. Being lazy is one thing, I’m fine with that. Being an invalid, I hate it.”

  
“If you don’t want to be an invalid, how about cleaning your side of the room. It looks like a hurricane hit it. I’m tired of picking up after you.”

  
“I said it bothers me, but I’m not going to go crazy over it. I’m allergic to cleaning, it will have to wait.”

  
By this point, Simmons was sprawled out on the bed beside Grif. He enjoyed those rare moments when he could enjoy being lazy with his husband and not worry about it.

  
Grif had a brainstorm. “You know what we need, a vacation, kind of a mini honeymoon to forget our problems.”

  
“Hmm, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t like leaving the baby with a sitter for that long. I’m too paranoid. And I have to work.”

  
“It could just be for a weekend. Hell, we can take Dex with us. It can be a family holiday, I don’t care.”

  
“We have his birthday coming up, we have a party to get ready for, and I haven’t even bought his gift yet. I don’t see how we can afford all that, let alone a vacation.”

  
Again, he felt the depression stab at his heart. He felt so worthless, his own husband didn’t want to spend time with him. It’s a wonder the baby still loved him.

  
“Grif, you’re not even listening to a word I said.”

  
“Yes I did. Just keep on being a killjoy, maybe I don’t want to spend time with you either.”

  
Instead of getting angry, Simmons moved in closer to Grif. He put his arms around him and held him tight. Simmons wasn’t the affectionate type very often, so Grif wasn’t expecting it.

  
“If I didn’t want to spend time with you, I wouldn’t still be here, now would I?”

  
Grif gave in and let Simmons hold him. He was still mad, but he would let it go. He lay his head against Simmons’ chest and the two dozed off together for while.  



	3. Chapter 3

 

“Okey dokey Grif. How about you tell me more about your symptoms.”

  
Grif made a face, he hated talking to doctors. Especially when it’s Dr. Grey.

Imagine talking about depression problems to someone who is looney herself. It felt weird.

  
“I don’t know… nothing feels the same anymore.” He never was good at expressing his feelings.

  
“Uh-hm, interesting. The headaches are left over from your concussion, they can come and go. I promise you they will get few and farther between. So really, we should focus on your depression issues.”

  
The subject made him uncomfortable. He spent most of his childhood hiding away with video games. His parents never cared how he was feeling. In college, he spent his time studying. When he was drafted, he kept to himself.

  
The only time he came out of his shell was when he was stationed with the Red Team. From the moment he saw Dick Simmons, he knew.

This was someone who was as lonely and awkward as he was. He was only person who got to know who Grif really was. Simmons was the only one he trusted enough.

  
How did he explain all this to the doctor? He couldn’t find the words. His first instincts were to hide away and never let anyone see the pain.

Through the years all of the insults, mostly from Sarge, went in one ear and out the other. He trusted Grey, but still he didn’t trust her.

He shrugged and kept quiet. He slumped down in the chair and counted the minutes until he could leave.

  
Grey seemed to understand. She knew all about his medical history. She knew how Grif liked to close up.

“I get it, it’s cool if you don’t want to tell me, I won’t make you. I know how your husband worries about you. You are all he talks about at work. He loves you a lot.”

  
He slumped further down. He was so embarrassed. He hated bringing family into the equation.

  
“There’s gotta be a better way to live. I wish I didn’t have to be on the antidepressants, these or any other kind. I want to learn to be happy on my own. I want to enjoy my family without feeling so useless.”

  
“You need to be willing to help yourself before anybody can help you. It’s your mind that will determine what will work. Woo, the fact that you want to get healthy is the start!”

  
‘ Good lord, who made her the camp director?’ He didn’t have the heart to say it. Her over bubbly personality was too much for him to take seriously.

  
“Really, I don’t think I need anything. It’s not like I’m gonna jump off a cliff or something.”

  
“I’m super duper glad that you know more about this than I do, I only have a 240 IQ. What do I know?”

  
She looked so insane at that moment, that Grif just shut up and accepted it.

  
“ So, I tweaked up your prescription a bit and you can see if that helps.” She stared him down very seriously. “Make sure you take them every day.”

  
Oh god, she sounded just like Simmons. He gave her a sarcastic salute. “Yes ma’am.”

He took the bottle from her and looked at it with disgust. This was all he needed, more stinking pills taking over his life.

  
He was almost out the door, when a weird thought hit him. He had a plan. He had to act super casual.

  
“Oh, one thing I forgot to mention was I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night. Got any sleeping pills I can use, I really need a good nights rest.

  
Instantly, Dr. Grey’s radar kicked in. Since when did Grif ever have trouble sleeping? They had trouble keeping him awake.

  
To be fair, it could be possible. He had been through a lot, it could change his sleeping habits.

“Sure, I’ll be right back.”

  
She pulled a large container from the back cupboard, marked Vitamin C and took two out. This way she could test him to see what he really needed it for. He’ll never know the difference.

  
“All rightee, here ya go.” She handed him a small baggie with two large white pills.

  
Grif did a double take, this wouldn’t work. “No, I was hoping to get a bottle of them. This way I won’t have to keep bugging you every time I need one.”

  
“Bug away, I don’t mind a bit, toodles!”

  
I can’t believe she didn’t trust me, how the hell did she know. Well shit, this is gonna take some time.


	4. Chapter 4

 

Grif had to hurry, Simmons would be home after 5:00 and the baby was still at the babysitters. He needed the perfect place to stash his pills.

  
Since Simmons practically counted every aspirin in the house, it was safe to say that wouldn’t approve of these. Plus the way the baby wandered around, he couldn’t let him find them by accident.

  
The very top shelf in his closet was perfect. There was no way Dex could reach it, and no way Simmons would look there.

He always says he’s afraid of what he might find. Grif moved some junk to the side and the bag was perfectly camouflaged.

  
“What are you doing?”

  
Grif jumped and almost tripped over the mess flowing from the closet.

“Nothing, not a thing.” Boy that was close, his heart was pounding. “What are you doing?”

  
“Well seems like since I live here, it would be logical to come back here to change after I’m finished with work. What is wrong with you?”

  
“Nothing.” It was the only safe answer.

  
Simmons shook his head and changed into jeans and a sweat shirt. That was his usual hanging around the house kind of clothes.

  
“Did you talk to Dr. Grey?”

  
“Yeah, I didn’t want to talk to her, but she did switch up prescription, so who knows.”

  
“That’s good, did you take it yet?...sorry, it’s a habit, I forgot you don’t like to be reminded.”

  
Grif did appreciate that. “I will here in a little bit, I just got home myself. Maybe we can go see a movie tonight, that would be fun.”

  
“Nah, I don’t think so, Chorus only has the one cinema and they never have anything good playing.”

  
“Then we can have our own movie here on the couch, that way Dex can join us.”

  
“I would, but I’m exhausted. You trying running quantum equations through a computer for hours on end. It sucks.”

  
“Dude, I don’t even know what that means.”

  
Simmons sighed. “Yeah, I should have known that.”

  
“Well Dex and I can have our own movie night then, without you.”

  
“No, that won’t work either. I’m planning on putting him to bed early tonight. I have to start drawing my presentation for my Hydro Garden. I may have an investor lined up for it.”

  
“Why can’t I watch him while you work. We always have fun together.”

  
“You two maniacs have too much fun. There will so much commotion I won’t be able to concentrate. And you’ll bug with a hundred questions, and I’m not in the mood.”

  
He’s so damn bossy. “I do not.”

  
“You always do, especially when I work at home. You’re like a kid yourself, you need to be the center of attention.”

  
“So this means I can’t spend any time with my kid?”

  
“Of course you can. You guys can have a playtime while I’m making dinner.”

  
Grif gave him an unpleasant look. “That’s all I get?”

  
“If you get him too wound up, I’ll never get him to bed.”

  
“So what am I supposed to do by myself?”

  
“Clean out your half of the room. That will keep you busy.”

  
“Big fun. How about we have a compromise? After dinner, I’ll give Dex a bath and read him a bedtime story while you start your project?”

  
Simmons thought about it and nodded. “Sure, that I can do. Even you can’t screw ghat up and it’ll keep you both out of trouble.”

  
Grif felt a little happier. He was going to press his luck. “What are cooking tonight?”

  
“Some chicken breast.”

  
“Can we have macaroni and cheese with it?”

  
“That’s not very healthy…” He knew though it was Grif’s favorite, and he did look a little happier than he did earlier. So why not? “Sure, but I’m making you eat broccoli with it.”

  
“Yuck, who wants that green stuff? I’m allergic to it.”

  
But he did feel better as he went to find his son for a special playtime.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

“Now what are you two maniacs doing?”

  
“Playing find the alien.” Grif looked all proud. “I’m the alien and Dex found me. Now if any ever attack us again, he’ll be ready.”

  
Simmons shook his head and wished he never asked. “All right, wrap it up. Get his bath ready, it’s getting late.”

  
Grif scooped up little Dex over one shoulder. “C’mon little Master Chief, bath time.”

  
“Make sure the water’s not too hot.”

  
Grif made a face, like he didn’t know that already.

  
“Use some of the bubble bath that’s up there. He likes to play with the bubbles.”

  
Grif looked around and found the bottle of pink bubble bath. He turned the water and poured some from the bottle.

Uh-oh, it came out faster than he expected. Oh well, that won’t hurt anything. Simmons will just have to buy another bottle when he goes shopping.

  
Grif didn’t expect the volcano of bubbles that shot out of the bathtub. It went all over the floor.

Dex laughed and had fun trying to catch the bubbles. Now Grif realized he fucked up. How can he clean this up?

  
“Uh Simmons…If you have a problem with the bubbles, how’s the easiest way to clean it up?” He was too afraid to ask.

  
“Oh, what did you do now?” He came in to see the mess on the floor. “What the hell, how much of that did you pour in?”

  
“You said ‘some’, and that’s what I did.”

  
He saw the empty plastic bottle on the floor. “That bottle was almost full, some doesn’t mean all of it dumbass!”

  
“It just sorta happened before I realized it, jeez I’m sorry. I can clean it up.”

  
Simmons then noticed the baby playing in the bubbles. “Oh, Dexter Richard, you don’t play in bubbles like that with your clothes on!”

  
Dex gave him the same wide eyed innocent look that Grif used when he was in trouble.

  
“Jeez man, chill out, I’ll clean him and the bathroom. It’s not worth yelling over.”

  
Simmons picked up Dex before Grif could do it. “No, you’ve done enough here. Give me my baby, I’ll handle it all myself.”

  
Simmons may as well as slapped him. It would have hurt less. Since when was Dex only Simmons’ baby. Grif loved him just as much.

Grif made eye contact with Simmons long enough to show him how badly he hurt him and he stalked off to bed.

  
Simmons tried to call him back. “Grif…” But he wouldn’t turn around.

If Simmons wanted to handle everything then he got his wish. As soon as Grif got ahold of enough sleeping pills, he wouldn’t have to worry about anything.

  
Later on when the house quieted down, Grif went to check on the baby. He felt guilty for getting him in trouble. He was already fast asleep in his crib.

  
Grif went in closer to check on him. Dex made some little crying noises, and seemed to be moving around a lot. Ah, the dreaded nightmares. Grif knew all about those, pretty much every night.

  
He gently put his arms around him and held his hand. He was so careful not to wake him up, that could cause too much stress for the baby.

He stroked his head until he started calming down. Soon, he was in a peaceful sleep. Only then would Grif leave. He re tucked his blanket and silently went out the door.

  
He climbed into bed and tried to fall asleep. Not too much later, he heard Simmons getting ready for bed. He laid still and pretended to be asleep.

Simmons finished in the bathroom and curled into bed beside Grif. He still lay silent.

  
Simmons moved in closer and curled against Grif’s back. “Are you asleep?” He asked him gently, he was still feeling guilty for yelling at him.

  
Grif still pretended to be asleep.  
Simmons put his hand on his shoulder, and Grif flinched away from his touch.

  
“Ah, I was right. I thought you were still awake. I take it you don’t forgive me?”

  
“No.”

  
“But I’m really sorry.”

  
“So, you should be.”

  
“You know how I overreact over everything. I had a rotten day today, and just set me over the edge. You were trying to help, I should have let you handle it instead of losing my temper. Now will you forgive me?”

  
He doesn’t even realize what he said that hurt my feelings, what a clueless nerd. “No, I’m used to you flipping out, that doesn’t bother me.”

  
“Then why are you still mad at me.”

  
Grif almost wanted to laugh. He didn’t get it, he would probably never get it. “You seem to have too many issues sharing your son with me.”

  
“And where were you the whole time I was having him? Off playing soliders because you couldn’t deal with reality. I really needed you here, and you ditched us.”

  
Grif’s tears wet his pillow. “If you only told me, I wouldn’t have left. How was I supposed to know what was going on?”

  
“Hey, we covered all this when we got back together. We both wanted to put it behind us and start over. Why bring it up now?”

  
“Then why did say ‘your son’, like I don’t count?”

  
“What? That was a bad choice of words, that’s not what I really meant.”

  
“Whatever, let’s just go to sleep before we get divorced again.”

  
Cause right now, don’t tempt me.  
  



	6. Chapter 6

 

Grif drifted into sleep. It was sunny and warm, a little too warm for his liking. The sun was shining brightly, it made it so hard to see.

He looked down, he had his orange armor on; that’s weird. He was driving the Warthog. Huh, must be going for a stroll. This was nice.

  
The explosion was deafening, after that, he really couldn’t hear anything. He became aware that he couldn’t feel his legs. Oh my god, what was happening to me?

  
Pulling off some of the debris, he saw his legs were pinned under wrecked Warthog. How do I get out of here? Will I loose my legs?

  
When the fire started, Grif had nothing left. All he could do was scream for help. He flailed his body around, desperately trying to get free.

The flames almost had him. He could feel the heat on his face. From behind him, a strong pair of arms pulled him back.

  
He fought at whoever it was, it had to be the person trying to kill him. The arms pulled him loose, he was free from the fire , but Grif was still ready for a fight. He looked in vain to see who it was.

  
Out of nowhere, a familiar voice called his name. He snapped out of the dream. He was safe in his bed. Simmons was hanging over him, desperately calling his name. He was so upset, he was on the verge of crying.

  
Grif’s heart was pounding. He could still smell the smoke, it felt like it was in his lungs. He looked down to check his legs, he had to reassure himself that they were okay. He buried his face in his pillow and gasped for air. He was suffocating.

  
“Grif, are you all right? Why’d you elbow me in the head?”

  
After a minute, Grif could talk. “That was you? Sorry, someone grabbed me from behind in the dream. I thought it was the bad guy.”

  
“Another one of those nightmares of what Wash’s sister did to you?”

  
“Yep, same old shit, different nights. I keep reliving that day over and over. This dream though was a real doozy.”

  
“You know that the ones that hurt you are dead, it’s a wonder your mind can’t let it go.”

  
“My mind’s a scary place man. Why did you wake me up? The fire almost had me, why try to pull me out?”

  
“You were flailing around and screaming, it’s a wonder you didn’t give yourself a heart attack. Anyway, if you were caught in a fire, why wouldn’t I pull you out?”

  
“I don’t know. One thing I always wondered was, that day with the explosion, why did you go to all that trouble to find me? I would have died before any other help would come.”

  
I would have preferred it if you didn’t. It would make ending   
my life easier.

  
“That’s exactly why, you could have died. You’re not only my husband, you’re the best friend I ever had. We were teammates for years. How could I just leave there by yourself?”

  
“You sure don’t act like it sometimes.”

  
“Hey, just because I get mad at you and yell, a lot, doesn’t mean I still don’t love you. I would do anything for you, like pulling you out of a burning dream.”

  
He was trying to lighten the mood so Grif could calm down. He looked only slightly amused.

  
“Nice try loser, but an epic fail.”

  
“I tried. Think you can go back to sleep now?”

  
“Yeah, probably so.”

  
Simmons kept his arm protectively around him. Grif gave in and laid in his arms. He felt protected in case the dream came back, at least someone was watching out for him.


	7. Chapter 7

 

Damn that Wash, he has me starting work way too early. Scheduling Grif at 9 am, this is inhuman.

He went strolling into the training field at 9:20, he wasn’t that late.

  
“So nice of Captain Grif to honor us with his presence. Cadets, run five extra laps, and be sure to thank your Captain for the extra work.”

  
There were calls of ‘I hate you’ and ‘you suck’, but Grif ignored it all until he heard, ‘I’ll never boo you Captain Grif’. He recognized that voice, that damned suck up, Matthews.

  
“Shut up Matthews, I still hate you.”

  
“Aww…”

  
Grif felt like shit and now he had to put up Wash, the least likely to ever let him get out of work. His day was looking up already.

  
“Don’t even start on me, Wash, I showed up; you’re welcome.”

  
Wash saw right away how terrible he looked. He softened down his tone. “Anything the matter?”

  
“Yes and no, same old life bullshit, you know how it goes.”

  
Wash didn’t understand what he meant, but he shook his head as if he did. “Uh…Yeah sure. You up for training some soldiers for me?”

  
No. “Yep, bring it on.”

  
The day went surprisingly fast. Wash was impressed by how well Grif can work if properly motivated.

Usually only Simmons could get him to work, and that was mostly threats.

  
“All right guys, you’re all looking good. We’ll end it here for today. Thank you Captain, you’re all dismissed.”

  
Thank god, it was so exhausting to be doing something again. Maybe he did miss all the months when he couldn’t work.

It was only noon, and he was already looking forward to a nap.  
Of all people, he had to run into Donut.

“Oh Grif, I was looking for you, I brought you a present.”  
He handed him a plate of cookies.  
Suddenly Grif felt more awake.

  
“They’re your favorite, chocolate chip. They’re fresh out of the oven.”

  
“Uh Thanks Donut.” This was awkward. “Why are you giving these to me?”

  
“To make up for the other day, about your son’s party. That was very insensitive of me, and since Simmons said I wasn’t supposed to stress you out over stuff, I cut down the guest list for the party.”

  
“Simmons went and told you I was stressed out?”

  
“Yeah, that you get bad headaches and stuff. But don’t worry, you only wanted close, personal friends, and that’s what I did.”

  
Grif was fuming. What’s wrong with Simmons blabbing all his medical problems to people. This was private, just between the two of them.

  
“And I have this for you.” He handed Grif a blue envelope.

  
“What is it?”

  
“A copy of the invitation for little Dexter’s party.”

  
“So I need an invitation to get into my own son’s party?”

  
“Of course not silly. It’s a spare copy to scrapbook in his baby book. Soon, he won’t be a baby anymore.”

  
Don’t remind me. “Thanks Donut, I gotta get home.”

His face burned with embarrassment. Did the whole world know his medical history now?

  
On the way home, he made a stop. He had to see Dr. Grey. He knew what would make him feel better.

  
“Howdy Grif!” She was speaking with a southern accent for some reason.

  
“What’s up doc?”

  
She laughed and punched his arm. “I love it, you’re so funny! Come on in. What can I do for you?”

  
She’s a weirdo. “Can I get some more sleeping pills?”

  
“How did the others work out for you last night?”

  
“They worked great. A good night was what I needed. I think I’ll need a few more nights to get caught up on my rest.”

  
She silently stared him down. He felt like she was reading his mind. It was creepy and he hated it. Did she know what he was up to?

  
“All right, I’ll be back.”

She back to vitamin C bottle and shook out six pills. Now that she knew for sure what Grif was doing, she’ll have to alert Simmons.

  
“Okey dokey, got ya six pills in here, enough for three days. That’s absolutely all that you’re getting. You will take them responsibly, right?”

  
“Yes, absolutely. You can trust me.”

  
No I can’t. “All rightee then, anything else you need?”

  
“Nope all good.” He took the baggie and hurried home to stash them.

  
He had to wait for the perfect time, and then Simmons wouldn’t have to worry about having me around as a burden anymore.

  
It was the only way it could work out.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Simmons’ phone interrupted his work. “Damnit, I wanted to get done early.” He tried not to sound too grumpy. “Hello.”

  
“Hey Simmons, it’s Emily Grey. I just spoke to your husband a little while ago and I think something’s upsetting him.”

  
“Why do you think that? He’s had the same re-accuring nightmare a lot, but other than that he’s been pretty normal.”

  
He’s always been temperamental.

  
“Well, the last two days, he’s come in with a strange request. He said he was having trouble sleeping and wanted sleeping pills.”

  
“That’s ridiculous, this is Grif we’re talking about. You can’t get him to stay awake.”

  
“Exactly what I thought. I gave him some pills to test if he’s suicidal…”

  
“What! Why would you give him those pills? Oh my god, he’s home by himself. I have to stop him.”

  
“Simmons wait!” He already hung up on her. She was trying to tell him not to worry. At least her theory was true, he really did love Grif. Hopefully, they can work it out.

  
Simmons sped all the way home. He found Grif sprawled on the couch drinking a Coke. He looked at Simmons like he was crazy.

  
“What’s with you?”

  
“You have nerve to ask that, what’s wrong with you? How could you pull a stunt like this?”

  
Now Grif really was confused. “ I’d like to help you out here, but I have no idea what you’re rambling on about. And why are you home this early?”

  
“I got a phone at work, it kind of scared the hell out of me. It was Dr. Grey, she said you asked her for sleeping pills?”

  
Oh boy, he was in trouble. “Well so much for patient confidentiality. Why would she even call you?”

  
“Given your medical history, this is an important matter. Killing yourself is not the best option.”

  
“Are you going to blab this all over town too. Grif plans to OD on sleeping pills. You could charge admission and sell tickets.”

  
“I do not blab everything.”

  
“Yes you do, you have a big mouth. You told Donut about my personal medical business. Now he knows about my concussion headaches. It’s so embarrassing.”

  
“Donut is a part of Red Team. He’s a friend, sort of, I didn’t think it was a big deal for him to know.”

  
“Well it sucks to be a freak of nature.”

  
“All right, I’m sorry, now I know. Where did you hide your pills? We can throw them out together.”

  
“I’m not giving them up.”

  
“Come on, be serious.”

  
“I am, I’m done. I tried, but I can’t go on.”

  
“This is ridiculous. Think about your son, do you want to traumatize him like that?”

  
“He needs you more than he needs me, he’ll be fine. You have Dex to worry about, so you don’t need me. You’ll be fine too. I did think about it.”

  
“That’s bull, you know I need you. I love you more than anything in the world.”

  
“I love you that much too, but it’s not enough. Sometimes you gotta learn to let go.”

  
“If you don’t bring me the pills, I’ll tear the house apart until I find them.”

  
“Go ahead and try, I dare you, you’ll never find them. You can’t watch me 24/7, so you can’t win.”

  
Simmons looked defeated, he felt like passing out.

“Fine, then be that way. I have to go pick up the baby, there’s no way I’m working today. Can you promise just one thing?”

  
Grif nodded. “Sure.”

  
“Do not take those pills yet. Think carefully, don’t rush into a decision. Think of little Dex. You know how smart he is. He’ll know what’s going on, and you’ll break his heart.”

  
“I’m not taking them yet. I have thought about it, and I know what I’m doing. But I do promise he won’t have to see it. It’ll be at the right time.”

  
Simmons turned to go out the door. He stopped and gave Grif one more pleading look. There were tears in his eyes.

  
Grif had to look away, he felt terrible. He never loved anything as much as he loved his family.

  
But like he said, sometimes you have to let go.  



	9. Chapter 9

  
When Simmons got back, he found Grif sprawled out on the bed, staring out the window at nothing in particular. Now Simmons was constantly paranoid.

  
“Grif, you didn’t take anything, did you.”

  
Grif wouldn’t turn around. He was trying to choke back the tears he could hardly hold back. “Not yet, I told you I would wait.”

  
“I still wish you wouldn’t.”

  
“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  
Simmons made last attempt to reach him. “I want to help you, oh god I really want to help, but I don’t know how if you won’t let me.”

  
Grif turned to look at him. The tears flowed freely, he tried in vain to wipe them from his cheeks.

  
“Grif, all I can say is please. Please don’t do it. For me, for your son, please come back to us.”

  
Grif was letting the words sink in. He still didn’t say anything as he turned to look out the window again.

  
Simmons felt helpless. Even if he found the pills and got rid of them, Grif would find another way. It didn’t matter what Simmons did or didn’t do. If Grif didn’t help himself, no one could do it for him.

  
Simmons sighed and left the room. Grif wanted to call out to him to come back, to not leave him. But he couldn’t get the words out. Maybe it was all for the best.

  
He heard Simmons putting the baby down for his nap. Then it got quiet. From the window, Grif saw him out in the yard, weeding his hydro garden he worked so hard on.

  
Grif stared at him, the same guy he worked with for years, the same guy he ended up marrying. How can you be around someone for years and years and realize you’re seeing them in a different way?

  
Grif was a difficult person to be around, but Simmons always was a saint to him. He really deserved better, but he never had a high self esteem. He only settled for Grif because he thought he couldn’t get anyone else.

Grif was really doing him a favor to set him free. He reached in the closet and grabbed the pills.

  
He went into the bathroom and poured a glass of water. He had the pills in front of him. He tried to find the strength to swallow them.

  
The baby started crying. Oh shit, now Simmons will be in, he never leaves the kid alone. Grif waited, ready to hide the pills. But Simmons didn’t come.

Dex kept crying, it was weird kind of cry, something was wrong with him. Grif ran to check him.

  
One look at him, Grif could see he didn’t feel well. His chubby face was bright red, Grif went to feel his forehead, he was burning up. Still Simmons wasn’t coming. Grif was on his own.

  
“Poor baby, don’t worry, daddy’s here. I’ll grab you some medicine, I’ll be right back.”

  
He grabbed some baby Tylenol that Simmons always kept on hand from the medicine cabinet. He glanced at his pills. They could wait, Dex was more important.

  
Grif poured a portion of the cherry flavored medicine, and without too much trouble, Dex took it. He made a face, but he kept it down. He was an agreeable baby.

  
“There, you’ll be feeling better soon.”

  
Dex took ahold of Grif’s hand. He looked up at him with his big brown eyes. Out of nowhere, “Dada.”

Grif was his first word.  
Grif was speechless. The last few weeks, Dex had tried to talk, but it came out in baby gibberish. This time it was clear.

Those innocent eyes felt like they could look into his soul. How could Grif leave him? Simmons was right, it would break Dex’s heart. Grif knew what he needed to do.

  
He smiled at the baby. “Yes baby, Dada is gonna get you a cold cloth for your fever. I’ll be right back.”

  
He went back into the bathroom. Without a second thought, he washed the pills down the sink. He wet a wash rag for the baby and went back to him.

  
He lifted Dex out of the crib and settled with him in the rocking chair. When Dex was a newborn, that was the only way to get him to fall asleep. Grif held him like he was a little baby again and rocked him to help him sleep.

  
He took ahold of Grif’s hand, leaned his head against his chest and a second time he said, “Dada.”

  
Grif held him close. “Yep kiddo, Dada’s not gonna leave you, ever.”

  
Grif happened to look up and saw Simmons standing there watching them. It was so sweet, he had tears in his eyes.

  
“How long have you been there?”

  
“Long enough. I heard you’re his first word.” Surprisingly, he wasn’t jealous.

  
“Yeah, that’s the second time he said it. I’m sorry he had to waste his first word on me, you’re probably pissed.”

  
“No, not at all. You deserve it more than I do. I suspected he might come down with a cold and I left him anyway. You were there for him, this one is yours.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
Simmons hated to ask. “What did you do about the pills?” His voice trembled.

  
“Don’t worry, I flushed them down the sink. You both are stuck with me a while longer.”

  
Simmons smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  
Grif started to get up, the baby got fussy about it. “I suppose you want to take over here.”

  
“No, stay there. You two look comfy. You want to take care of him for a while?”

  
“Definitely.”

  
“There’s going to be some changes around here. While you’re on light duty, you can babysit him all you want, you earned it. I know I can trust you with him.”

  
“Wow, that’s a big moment.”

  
“Also, I have an investor willing to sponsor my hydro garden. When the deal goes through, we can afford a second honeymoon. Dex will be fine, I’ll get a sitter I can trust. So we’ll have more time for us. I promise you.”

  
Grif felt better than he ever had. This was what he wanted. He could be happy. He family needed him.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

It felt like in no time at all, it was little Dexter’s first birthday. The day Grif had dreaded was here. His little baby was going up, he would have a hard time letting go.

  
Though the guest list was cut short, there were still a ton of guests arriving. Simmons was taking forever getting ready.

  
He kicked Grif out of the bathroom, before he was even quite ready. He didn’t have time to shave, and his usually wild, curly hair was still a mess.

  
He didn’t care, it was only friends, they knew what he looked like. He grabbed the first clothes he found and called it done. Now he had to wait on his husband.

  
“Come on, it’s a birthday for a one year old, he doesn’t care what you look like. Hurry up.”

  
“In a minute.” That was his answer for the last ten minutes.

  
“You’re out of minutes dude, come on now!”

  
He pushed his way into the bathroom ready to drag Simmons out if he had to. He saw what was taking Simmons so long. He had a roll of brightly colored wrapping paper, and was finishing taping up a present.

  
“We already wrapped up Dex’s gift. The Junior science kit, it’s outside waiting for him to open it, what else did you get him?”

  
Simmons looked embarrassed. “It’s not for him, it’s for you.” He handed Grif the small package.

  
“Huh, it’s not my birthday.”

  
“So what, open it anyway.”

  
Grif ripped it open. It was picture frame. One side had Grif’s baby picture beside one of Dex’s. Side by side like that, Grif realized they really looked alike. He got a lump in his throat, he couldn’t say anything.

  
“I custom made the frame to put both pictures side by side like that. I hope you like it.”

  
Finally Grif could speak. “I love it. How did you find a baby picture of me? I didn’t think there was any.”

  
“I asked your sister. She saved a lot of stuff from when you were kids. She had one that I could compare to Dex’s. I think it worked perfectly.”

  
Grif was still choked up. “Yeah, It sure did.”

  
“Now anytime you have trouble remembering how loved you are, look at this picture. You know how special your son is to you, and that’s how special you are to us. I hope you finally get it.”

  
Emily Grey called Simmons and explained to him how she slipped Grif the vitamins, he was never in real danger. Simmons decided not to tell Grif. It was better he didn’t know. Getting better had to be his idea, now Simmons could worry less about him.

  
Grif gave him the biggest hug and kiss. “Yeah, I finally get the hint.”

  
“We better get out there for the party. People will wonder where we are.”

  
“Oh yeah, there’s cake out there. I call dibs on whatever Dex doesn’t smash up.” He rushed out.

  
“Oh lord, you never change.”


End file.
